A piece of my heart is in Heaven once again.
Here I am again, finding myself typing a message I prayed I would never have to write once more. A message that begins with hope, with joy, with dreams of what could be—only to be met with the crushing reality of loss again. My heart feels heavy, and my words feel so small compared to the ache in my soul.
So often, as women, we are told to wait until the 12-week mark before announcing a pregnancy—“just in case.” Just in case something happens. Just in case the story doesn’t unfold the way we long for it to. But I’ve never been able to agree with that. For one, I’m simply not good at keeping secrets, especially the kind of secret that bursts with joy and love. But even more than that, I believe that life—no matter how long it’s lived—is always worth celebrating. From the very moment of knowing, that little life is real, precious, and deserving of being shared with the people who love us most.
When I share my pregnancies, it’s not just about spreading the joy—it’s about inviting others into the journey. Into the laughter, the hope, the excitement. But also into the heartbreak, if and when it comes. Because love doesn’t disappear when loss shows up. If anything, it’s needed more than ever.
And now, as I sit here mourning the loss of our fifth child, I have no regrets about sharing the news early. I don’t regret letting my heart shout with joy at the gift of another baby. I don’t regret letting others celebrate with us, even if only for a short time. Because now, I don’t have to carry this sorrow in silence. I don’t have to pretend everything is fine. Instead, I am surrounded by love. I am lifted by your prayers. I am comforted by your words, your kindness, and your willingness to grieve with me. That is a gift beyond measure.
My arms may be empty, but my heart is full of every message, every prayer, every whisper of encouragement. Though I ache for the little one I will never hold this side of Heaven, I cling to the promise that God’s plan is greater than my own. I may not understand why I must walk this path again, but I trust the One who walks it with me. As His Word reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18.
I believe that each life, no matter how brief, has purpose. And I believe that one day, I will hold all of my babies in eternity.
Until then, I will continue to share their stories, to speak their names, to let their existence matter. And I will keep leaning on the love of those who walk beside me—friends, family, and the God who never leaves me.
💜 To my sweet baby, though I never got to hold you in my arms, I will forever carry you in my heart. Your life was short, but it was full of love from the very start. You will always be a part of our family, always remembered, always cherished. I know that Lainey Jayne is holding you tight until the day I meet you in Heaven. I will love you endlessly.
And until that day, I hold fast to God’s promise: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:4
I share this not for pity, but for connection—for every parent who has walked this road. May we keep speaking their names, keep sharing their stories, and keep finding hope together.
#RunningWithLaineyJayne
#BornWithAngelWings
#LaineyJaynesWingsOfHope
#OurStoryOfHope
#FaithThroughGrief
#GodsPromises
#HeHealsTheBrokenhearted
#HeavenlyBabies
#PregnancyAfterLoss
#InfantLossAwareness
